Ways To Annoy Your Partner
by Fictionnaire
Summary: These are ways to annoy your partner... Warning: Contains silliness. Mulder & Doggett find ways to annoy their partners
1. Chapter 1

WAYS TO ANNOY YOUR PARTNERS

_**WAYS TO ANNOY YOUR PARTNERS**_

Mulder sat back in the chair waiting for Scully to come back in. He was just about as bored out of his brain. Almost every case that could be solved had been solved and the others… Well the others were just others. Finally Scully had entered the office and she looked at him with his hands behind his head.

"Ok what is it Mulder?" Scully asked. She noted the look in his eyes, a look with which she was familiar with.

"Scully… I'm bored." Mulder said, "We never sit in the office and just talk do we?"

"Umm no Mulder we don't." Scully sat down.

"All through the FBI I bet there's nobody as bored as I." Mulder sighed deeply, "You know I was thinking."

Scully grimaced. He was about to be annoying, she could feel it coming.

"Wiggles."

"Wiggles Mulder?" Even Scully couldn't prepare herself for that.

"Yes Wiggles." Mulder said, "You ever wander why they get all the kids to do those stupid dances."

"Because it's fun?" Scully knew that, that wasn't going to be the answer.

"It's the perfect way to teach kids how to follow orders." Mulder said, "Today they're dancing to Hot Potato and tomorrow they're marching into a war zone."

"Mulder… You really should go out and get laid." Scully said, "The Wiggles entertain the kids."

"There's more to it to." Mulder said excitedly.

"Of course there is." Scully replied.

"Jeff is a spy." Mulder said, "The one who's always sleeping… But I'm willing to bet all my money that he's not really sleeping." Mulder answered, "And look at the color of his clothes." Mulder slid a photograph over to Scully, "See its purple… A similar shade to the purple that Barney the Dinosaur wore. You know what that means?"

"You're crazier than I thought." Scully replied automatically replied.

"It means that Jeff is a government spy reporting on the kids." Mulder said, "My god Scully this is serious. I've called for around the clock surveillance on Jeff. And…" Mulder pulled something out of his jacket pocket, "And I got two front row tickets to the Wiggles Concert tomorrow night."

"Tell me you're joking." Scully said.

Mulder's failure to reply was all the answer that Scully needed. She rolled her eyes.

* * *

"Hey Monica." Doggett was in the car after having too much drinks and it was Monica who gave him a lift home, "You know that people say that you're a certain type of pet person."

"You're a dog John." Monica said.

"Look if it was about that time I drunk from the toilet." Doggett replied, "I was drunk and I was there and I was thirsty."

"That's not what I meant John." Monica said, "You're loyal… You take no guile."

"Well if that's the case then Monica. I have to say you're a cat person."

"That's perhaps the nicest thing anyone has said to me." Monica replied.

"You're spoilt, you think you own the place." Doggett said, "And it takes a hell of a lot more than calling your name to make you come."

"I think you have had too much to drink." Monica said.

"Oh wait I got it." Doggett exclaimed, "You're a pig!"

"Excuse me?" Monica said, "Now that's uncalled for."

"You're not afraid to get dirty." Doggett explained, "You have a pretty thick hide. Oh wait you're a horse. You're big, strong and spirited. And you have such beautiful hair."

"Thanks John." Monica said, "But anyway I still think you're a dog."

"Hey if this also about the time I peed on your plant…" Doggett said.

"For god's sake get out of the car." Monica said and drove off, "Oh John, John, John."

* * *

"Hey Scully we got this case." Mulder said excitedly, "There's this man… He can change his looks, his personality. It's incredible."

"He's locked away remember?" Scully asked.

"Not him its another man." Mulder answered, "And do you know that there's a blue police box that travels around."

"I hate to say this Mulder." Scully said, "But Doctor Who is just a TV show."

"But I bet if we go to England we'll find the blue police box there." Mulder said, "And that'll prove that a regenerating time traveler exists."

"Of course there'll be one there." Scully said, "They were made there."

"But don't you see it's a possibility that the Doctor does exist and if we AGGGHHHH that hurts Scully." Mulder cried out, "Why the hell did you mace me?"

* * *

"What you do Agent Doggett… Is sharpen the pencil really good and get the lackey between your fingers like that, pull back and release." Mulder was showing Doggett how he made the pencils stick in the roof, "Now you try… Come on."

Doggett tried but the pencil ended up falling to the table, "This is ridiculous Agent Mulder."

"Try it again." Mulder said.

This time Doggett got the pencil to stick into the ceiling, "Ha!" Doggett cried out, "I finally got one to stick."

Mulder carefully aimed for a blank spot in the wall. He thought he had found one since there weren't too many left. The pencil flew straight up to the roof and stuck there for a moment. But the roof could no longer hold the pencils and they all came dropping down at once.

"Oh shit!" Doggett screamed, "My eye! One of your bastard pencils poked my eye. My got that hurts."

Mulder went to check to see if he was alright, "I'm sorry are you alright Agent Doggett?"

Doggett removed his hand from his eye with the help of Mulder's hand, "Got you." He said as he threw a pencil at him.

* * *

A/N: Just some silly nonsensical stuff running through my head.


	2. Chapter 2

Agent Doggett sat on a chair as Scully went to sit beside him, "Hey." He shook her hand. There was something distrustful about her looks. He knew he would soon be working as her partner, "You're Agent Scully right?"

"Yes." She was clearly annoyed.

"You know I've heard a lot about you. Just about every guy in here talks about you." Doggett said, "I've heard so many things about you."

Scully looked surprised, "Like what?"

"That you're forgiving… You're as fiery as your hair and you don't take no crap from anybody." Doggett said, "Have you heard from Fox Mulder yet?"

The directness took her by surprise and grabbed a cup of water from the cooler, "No he's missing."

"I'm surprised, I thought you two were lovers." He thought he'd offer her another cup of water, it seemed like the gentleman thing to do… Scully took it, "People who are as close as you two… I'm sure you keep tabs on each other. Hell, I bet you even have him on speed dial don't you?"

Scully flipped Doggett's badge over, "You could have just introduced yourself Agent Doggett."

"Where'd the fun be in that?" Doggett asked, the only answer he received was from a face-full of water, "Well that water's nice." That comment only got him another face full, "Do you mind getting me a cup of water."

She filled a cup and chucked it at him… And kept repeating it until Doggett was surrounded by empty cups and drenched in water.

"What the hell happened to you John?" Kersh asked.

"Agent Scully sir." Doggett answered, "All I asked for was a cup of water."

* * *

Mulder and Doggett had the Chinese suspects ready for questioning. Monica and Scully approached them since they were called in by their respective partners.

"I want to know the suspects… Have we got them separated?" Mulder asked, "You got their names there?"

"Sure… There's Hugh in Interview room one, Waatt's in interview room two and Idunno's in the holding cell." Doggett said.

"That's what I'm trying to find out from you Agent Doggett?" Mulder said.

"I say… Hu's in one. Waatt's in two and Idunno's in the holding cell." Doggett said.

"Well you got the list there right?" Mulder said.

"Yes."

"So you should know their names right?"

"Yes." Doggett answered.

"Who's in room one?" Mulder asked.

"Yes." Doggett said impatiently.

"I want his name." Mulder said.

"Hu." Doggett replied.

"The man in interview one."

"Hu."

"The first man we're going to interview." Mulder answered.

"Hu." Doggett said.

"The guy sitting in Interview room one." Mulder said.

"Hu is the guy in Interview room one." Doggett told him.

"I'm asking YOU who's in the first room." Mulder said.

"That's the man's name."

"That's who's name?" Mulder asked.

"Yes."

"Go ahead and tell me." Mulder said.

"That's it."

"That's who?" Mulder asked.

"Yes."

Mulder jumped up and down frustrated, "All I'm trying to find out is what's the guy's name in Interview room one."

"No Waatt's in room two." Doggett answered.

"I'm not asking you who's in room two." Mulder said.

"Hu's in room one." Doggett said.

"I don't know." Mulder said.

"He's in the holding cell. We're not talking about him." Doggett said.

"Wait how did I end up in the holding cell?"

"By mentioning his name." Doggett answered.

"If I mentioned his name… Who did I say is in the holding cell?"

"No, Hu's in room one." Doggett said.

"What's in room one?"

"Waatt's is in room two." Doggett corrected.

"I don't know." Mulder said.

"He's in the holding cell."

"There I am back in the holding cell." Mulder said. Ruffling his hair a bit, "Alright, let's just stay in the holding cell a bit and don't get off it."

"Alright what do you want to know?" Doggett asked.

"Now who's in the holding cell?" Mulder answered.

"Why do you insist on putting Hu into the holding cell?"

"What am I putting in the Holding cell?" Mulder asked.

"No. Waatt's in room two."

"You don't want who in room two?" Mulder said.

"Hu is in room one."

"I don't know." Mulder said.

"Holding cell." Mulder and Doggett said together.

"Oh god I feel like I'm stuck watching an Abbott and Costello routine." Monica said.  
Scully drew her gun, "I'm going to shoot them now." Scully said.  
"No fair." Monica whined, "You've shot your partner last time, let me shoot them."

It was only joking and the two female agents walked away even more frustrated than usual and Doggett and Mulder gave each other a high five, "Told you it would piss them off."

* * *

"FPS Mulder?" Scully asked, "What's FPS?"

"First Person Shooter." Mulder answered, "Haven't you ever wanted to carry a big gun and shoot someone?"

"You're a mind reader Mulder." Scully answered, "I'm fantasizing about doing that right now."

"Ha ha Scully." Mulder laughed, "I love most games. Don't you like some games Scully?"

"I liked pac-man." Scully answered.

"Pac-man Scully?" Mulder asked, "Trust you to like a drugged-out-of-it's-skull ball."

"A drugged ball Mulder?" Scully asked, "What?"

"What were those small pills that pac-man kept gobbling up?" Mulder said, "I'm sure they weren't tic-tacs. And what were they to make him see ghosts everywhere. If that's not what being off your face then I don't know what is."

"I could say the same about you Mulder." Scully quickly said.

"What do you mean Scully?" Mulder said.

"Are they sunflower seeds you keep popping?" Scully asked, "And you claim to see a lot of strange shit Mulder?"

"Oh you're really funny." Mulder said, "What other games do you like?"

"I like chess…" Scully said, "How about you?"

"I like twister." Mulder said with a smile.

"Twister?" Scully raised an eyebrow.

"Strip twister that is." Mulder said with a broader smile, "Want to come over and I'll show you how to play it?"

"I'm really fantasizing about shooting things right now." Scully said.


	3. Chapter 3

"Scully guess what?" John Doggett asked.

Usually no good thing could ever come from guess what. Scully sighed as she approached John in the hallway near the interview room, "You finally found a suspect in the serial killings case."

"You must have psychic powers Dana." He said with a smile, "Now I know you're not one to play games… But I think the good cop/bad cop routine is called for here. Come on what do you say? Feel like playing along?"

"If it gets this murdering son of a bitch behind bars then be it." Scully replied.

"Good." John said as they entered the interview room.

"Elmo doesn't want to talk." Elmo said, "Elmo wants his lawyer."

"You're shitting me." Scully said, "Come on. Who's your lawyer?"

"Elmo's lawyer is Bert." Elmo answered, "Elmo's not saying nothing."

"Listen I've had it up to here with you, you furry little punk." John said, "Either tell us what we want to know. We have evidence that places you at every scene."

"John, we have to abide the law we have to wait for Elmo's lawyer." Scully said trying to keep her cool.

"This furry ass punk doesn't deserve a lawyer." John said, "Tell me Elmo, is this your gun?"

"Elmo doesn't own a gun." Elmo answered, "Guns are bad."

"Listen Elmo you better start telling John the truth now." John said, "John says it's truth time."

"John." Scully said, "Scully thinks you're being unreasonable."

"Elmo thinks you are mocking him." Elmo said, "Mocking Elmo isn't very nice."

"John thinks Elmo's not very nice." John said, "What does Elmo say to that?"

"John, Scully thinks John should ease up on Elmo s little." Scully said.

"John doesn't care what Scully thinks John should do with Elmo." John replied.

"Scully thinks that John should care about what Scully thinks John should do with Elmo." Scully said.

"Elmo thinks this is fucking ridiculous." Elmo snapped.

"If you're not going to confess." John pulled out a phone book and whacked Elmo in the back of the head with it so hard that Elmo's face hit the table.

"Elmo's not happy." Elmo cried, "Elmo going to sue FBI."

* * *

Mulder showed Scully the coin in his hand and showed her the magic trick where he makes the coin disappear by confusing her with hand movements, "Alright Scully, where's the coin?"

She pointed to his right hand… But he opened it to reveal there was nothing there. So she pointed to his left, but there was nothing there either. Mulder held onto her nose, "Now blow."

"Mulder." She said.

"Just blow."

"AAAh-Choo" Scully sneezed.

"Ta-daa." Mulder revealed a coin.

"Amazing!" Scully exclaimed.

"Eww." Mulder said trying to find a place to wipe his hand.

"Good magic from the great Muldini?" Scully asked.

"I don't know about that Scully." Mulder wiped his hands on a passerby who was singing loudly to music in the headphones, "More like the great Boogerni." He said, "Have you ever heard of tissues."

* * *

Mulder was swimming laps in the pool when he noticed Krychek waiting for him at the ladder. So he decided to see what he wanted.

"Krychek." He said.

Krychek talked to him about the current case but his attention was clearly diverted as he talked.

"Would you object to me putting some clothes on before I go out with you?" Mulder asked.

A couple of people walked by when they heard that, "Sure." Krychek said.

"The last place I want to be seen naked with you is in public." Mulder said, "I'm going to the change room."

Mulder entered the change rooms and took the pair of socks out from his speedos and threw them in the bin.

* * *

John and Leyla were stuck down the underground labyrinth when Leyla had mentioned Mulder and Scully one time too many.

"There was this case one time-" Leyla began again.

"Zip it."

"But this could be." Leyla said.

"Zip."

"But…" Leyla tried to fit her words in.

"Shush."

"This could be"

"Pingyow chew yowpam." John said, "Subtitle zip it."

"You should."

"www dot zipit dot com" John said.

"But when Mulder." Leyla pleaded. John pulled out his pistol and cocked it, "What's that sound now?" She asked, she could barely see anything.

"I'm getting it ready just in case I have to shoot something." John answered.

* * *

Scully walked into the X-File basement and was shocked to find a complete stranger standing behind the desk, "Who are you?"

"I'm Mulder." The stranger answered.

"No you're not." Scully challenged, "Who are you?"

"I'm literally him." The stranger said.

"What are you on about?" Scully asked.

"I'm literally him." The stranger repeated, "New hair, new face… Well new everything actually."

"Huh?"

"I've regenerated Scully." The stranger said, "Told you regeneration was possible."

Scully pulled the electric taser from her pocket and zapped the stranger with it. It was then, Mulder stood up from hiding behind the desk, "Got you Scully." He said, "Fooled you." But he to was tasered.

"I'm going to zap some sense into you Mulder." Scully said.


	4. Chapter 4

Mulder sat behind his desk intrigued by the computer screen. He saw Scully enter the office, "Good morning Scully." He said with a smile before returning to the computer screen. He wiped his eyes.

"Is that for a new case?" Scully asked him.

"No cases today." Mulder said, "I'm just sitting here waiting."

"What are you doing?" Scully was curious.

"Filling in time…" Mulder's voice trailed off.

"Filling in time by doing what?" Scully was almost too afraid to ask. But her natural curiosity got the better of her.

"I'm doing some reading." Mulder answered, "I want to get more cooking skill."

"You don't even have a kitchen Mulder." Scully said.

"I do now. I brought one today." Mulder clapped his hands together, "Finally had enough money to by a total modern kitchen. But I've go no cooking skill."

Scully was absolutely gobsmacked by this.

"Oh and I brought a cat and a dog and I'm going to show them at the pet show once I train them." Mulder said, "But I have to make them like me first."

"What?" Scully asked, "I didn't think you're allowed to have pets."

"Only become an option today." Mulder said, "I have a German Shepherd pup and a grey kitten."

"What will they do when you're out in the field Mulder?" Scully asked.

"They'll be right." Mulder said, "I'd just close the window down. Alright!" Mulder exclaimed, "I just need one more and they'll promote me."

"What?" Scully stepped around to Mulder's side of the desk and saw that he was playing a game on the computer, "The Sims Mulder?"

"This is a great game." Mulder said, "See we live in this big house… Skinner lives there in that small bachelor pad. The Lone Gunmen live in that little corner over there. Monica and John live over there as well."

"Mulder." Scully said, "We've really got to get you more challenging cases."

* * *

"Sir." Doggett said stepping into Skinner's office, "I need some time off." He said solemnly, "I've been having some personal problems at home."

"Anything I can do Agent Doggett?" Skinner asked.

"No… It's just my two sons have really gone off the rails lately and I need to reel them in." Doggett answered.

"I didn't realize you had children." Skinner said, "There's nothing on your file about you having children."

"I like to keep them under wraps." Doggett said, "I really can't have everyone knowing who my children are."

"What are there names?" Skinner asked.

"Elvis Presley and Johnny Cash." Doggett answered, "And damn they are a handful of times. They're damn musicians and keep getting into trouble… I'm sure they hate me and I can't seem to make Johnny Cash walk the line."

* * *

"Scully…" Mulder said on their car trip, "Good god I'm so bored."

"Well we have a long way to travel." Scully said as if he needed reminding of that.

"You want to play 'I spy'?" Mulder asked.

"I spy?" Scully said.

There was a long pause of silence between them. Mulder tapped his fingers against the steering wheel, "Well." He said eventually.

"Well what?" Scully asked.

"I spy." Mulder said, "You started but wouldn't continue."

"That's not what I did Mulder… It was a question?" Scully said.

"Well you began the game, so you might as well continue it now." Mulder said, "So?"

"So what?" Scully had made a habit of zoning out at times.

"So… Continue the game." Mulder said.

"Ok." Scully said in a defeated tone, "I spy with my little eye something beginning with S." She said.

Mulder looked around the car and then up at the sky then around the car again.

"The road Mulder, the road." Scully shouted.

"You said S." Mulder looked around, "The Road does not begin with S."

"I mean keep your eyes on the road Mulder." Scully said.

"Sky?" Mulder asked.

"What?" Scully breathed a sigh of relief.

"I spy with S. Is it sky?" Mulder asked.

"No." Scully answered.

"Steering Wheel?"

"No."

Mulder looked around again, "Suitcases?" He asked.

"No. Wrong again." Scully couldn't help but laugh.

Mulder thought for a moment, "Of course… Scully!" Mulder shouted happily, "I see Scully!"

"Honestly thought you'd never get that one." Scully said, "Ok your turn." She was getting into the swing of the game now.

"I spy with my little eye something beginning with G." Mulder said.

Scully looked around for a long time, "Gravel." She said pointing to the tracks alongside the road.

"Nope." Mulder said.

Scully couldn't think of anything beginning with G, "I give up." She said after a few minutes of trying to figure it out.

"Ghosts Scully." Mulder said.

Scully looked in the car, "I don't see any ghosts Mulder."

"That's because you don't believe in them." Mulder smiled.

Scully playfully punched him in the shoulder, "That's cheating."

"Alright then Scully. I spy with my little eye something beginning with U." Mulder began again.

"U. U." Scully looked around, "An unbelievably spooky man?"

"I'm hurt Scully."

Scully looked around again, "You got me on this one." She shrugged.

"A UFO." Mulder gave her the answer.

"Look out there Mulder." Mulder looked out the window, "Watch the road Mulder. I don't see a UFO do you?"

"Of course not Scully." Mulder answered.

"Then you'd be cheating in the game." Scully said.

"I didn't." Mulder protested.

"Yeah… Because there's no UFO is there Mulder?" Scully asked.

"Of course not Scully." Mulder said, "It has passed by already."

"Damn you Mulder." Scully said, "It's no fun if you cheat at every game."

"What other game have I cheated at Scully?" Mulder asked innocently.

"Snap." Scully answered.

"That was your fault you couldn't move your hand quick enough." Mulder replied.

"You put valium in my drink." Scully said, "Of course I was sluggish."


	5. Chapter 5

Scully watched Mulder narrow his eyes in intense concentration then open them wide as he jotted something down. The eyes narrowed once again, "Hmm." Mulder continued to look intently at the books in front of him, "No… hmm? Maybe?" She still watched him carefully and suddenly he threw a pencil over his shoulder, "I give up." He exclaimed as he sat back in the chair and put his hands to the back of his head.

"What you working on?" Scully picked up the book that he'd been studying for the last half hour, "SUDOKU Mulder?" This was nuts… Even for him.

"Someone sent me this in the post." Mulder said, "I'm sure it's a code for something."

Mulder had a high IQ of course but at times he made her want to scream and run into a brick wall, "It's a puzzle Mulder." She stated, "The point is to fill the squares with numbers but no number can be repeated in any line or any set of squares."

Mulder took the book back and studied it even more intently. He grabbed another pencil and narrowed his eyes in frustration after awhile, "That's impossible Scully… There's no way you can fill each square with a number from 1 to 9, but only using them once in each column, square and section… It's impossible." Mulder looked through the book, "No… I'm sure it's a code for something."

"Mulder." Scully said, "Trust me, it's not code."

There was long silence and Scully figured that judging by his writing, Mulder was doing a puzzle, "Scully…"

"Yes Mulder?" Scully asked.

She saw his eyes widen in excitement, "I've done it!" He shouted.

"You did the puzzle very quickly." Scully replied, "That's very good."

"I haven't done the puzzle silly." Mulder said.

"Then what have you done Mulder?" She was almost too scared to ask.

"I've cracked the code."

"There's no code Mulder." Scully said.

"There is… Somebody's telling me that I must bring Christopher Lee to justice." Mulder said.

This was something Scully had never expected, "How do you figure that Mulder? That's far-fetched, even for you."

"The word… SUDOKU. Su as in sue and then Doku which can only mean one thing… Dooku as in Count Dooku so they want me to sue Count Dooku. Don't look at me like that Scully." Mulder said, "And who plays Count Dooku? The answer is Christopher Lee. So therefore, I have to bring Christopher Lee into justice. It makes perfect sense."

"When was your last checkup Mulder?" Scully asked, "I think I should make you _another_ appointment."

* * *

**(This isn't original… But I just wanted to share this)**

"I know you said that we shouldn't do any gift swapping at Christmas Mulder." Scully handed him a neatly wrapped packaged, "I just couldn't resist."

Mulder didn't look up, "Don't worry Scully… I already have my Christmas wish list sent off and it's taken care of." He said seriously.

"What do you mean Mulder?" Scully asked cautiously.

"I sent my wish list to the North Pole." Mulder said flatly, "I did it ages ago so Santa would get well prepared."

Scully couldn't tell if Mulder was joking or not, "What did you say?" She asked, "You know Santa's mythological right… Like Lycanthropes and vampires?"

"I know Santa's as real as Werewolves and Vampires." Mulder said.

"When I said that, I didn't mean it that way." Scully rolled her eyes.

"Yeah well." Mulder said, "Every night on Christmas Eve slash Christmas day, when I was a kid, presents would magically appear under our Christmas tree. Explain that then."

Scully studied his face for a moment. Mulder was speaking as if he really believed this crap, "Umm, I hate to break this to you Mulder… But the person who put Christmas presents under your tree was your dad… Your dad was Santa Claus."

She could see Mulder's mind ticking over as he tried to take all this in and then his eyes widened, "You know what this means?" Mulder asked.

"That you're crazier than we thought?" Scully replied immediately.

"No." Mulder said while laughing, "It means that Krychek killed Santa Claus! The bastard!" He said seriously.

"No Mulder." Scully shook her head, "When I said that your father was Santa Claus, I meant-"

"It makes perfect sense." Mulder replied.

"Only to a diseased mind." Scully couldn't help but respond with that, "If your father was Santa Claus, how did he deliver all the presents in one night?"

"He worked in a special area of the government." Mulder answered, "They made a timestop device of course."

"How did fit down all those slim chimneys?" Scully asked.

Mulder didn't answer for awhile. Scully thought that she had finally put an end to this horrible charade, "Wait." Mulder said loudly, "He was working with Eugene Tooms. Oh my God Scully, it was an intricate network… And it gets worse." Mulder said, "He knows when you've been sleeping, he knows when you've been awake. He had to be working in conjunction with the tooth fairy. AGGGGHHH!" Mulder covered his eyes, "Why the hell did you mace me?"

"It's for your own good Mulder." Scully said, "Now repeat after me… There's no such thing as Santa Claus."

"Of course not… Krychek killed him." Mulder said, "AGGGGHHH! That stings."

"What are you doing Agent Scully?" Skinner asked as he stepped into the office.

"Macing Mulder Sir." Scully answered.

"Keep up the good work Agent Scully." Skinner said as he left.

* * *

John Doggett couldn't believe the punishment he had received from Skinner. He didn't see anything wrong with his behavior in the last case. So what if he held a bunch of old women playing bingo hostage. Nobody would ever convince him that they were all innocent. Bingo was a perfect front for money laundering. Nobody expected old bingo players… Nobody except John that is and now he had to take care of biscuits for the Skinner's meeting.

"This is cruel and unusual punishment." Doggett mumbled.

"You got all the biscuits there John?" Monica asked, "Doesn't look like too many?"

"Yeah I have twenty eight biscuits." Doggett declared, "It's that many because Skinner wanted seven biscuits for each member at the meeting."

"How many in the meeting?" Monica asked.

"Thirteen including Skinner." Doggett answered.

"How many biscuits do you have?" Monica asked.

"Twenty eight." Doggett said.

"You're not going to have enough." Monica said, "If there's thirteen people having seven biccies each… Twenty eight isn't enough."

"I worked it out." Doggett said, "Ok… Here."

"Are you telling me seven goes into twenty eight thirteen times?" Monica asked skeptically.

"Sure." Doggett went to the whiteboard, "Right… Here is 28/7 right? We all know that 7 will ever go into 2. There's no way in hell… So I'll leave that 2 aside. 7 goes into 8 once right… So we put a 1 there so 28/7 1." Doggett saw that Monica was still watching, "But now that 7 is lonely on the side, so we'll stick it beneath the 8… So 8-7 is 1 am I right?" Monica nodded so Doggett continued, "You remember the 2 from earlier, I'll use it now and put it next to the second 1… So it's 21 and we all know that 7 goes into 21 3 times. So we put it next to the 1 we got earlier… So 28/7 equals 13."

"Now wait a minute John." Monica scrubbed the division off, "We'll do multiplication right?"

"Alright then." John said as he stood in front of the whiteboard again, "Alright… 13 x 7" He wrote out as a math equation, "Right… 7x3 is 21."

Monica nodded, "Yep."

"7x1 is 7?"

"Yep." Monica nodded again.

"21 + 7 is 28."

"Yep." Monica suddenly looked again, "No, that's not right… No, no John. That's wrong, put down 13 seven times."

Doggett did so… 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13 was now written down the whiteboard.

Monica counted along with him, "Now you tell me that all that adds up to 28?" She asked.

"Yeah sure." Doggett answered.

"If it does, I'll eat my words and take over your punishment." Monica said.

"Sure." Doggett said, "3, 6, 9, 12, 15, 18, 21." Doggett counted the column of seven 3s, "22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27 and 28." He proclaimed proudly as he then counted the column of ones.

Monica sighed as she took the box of biscuits into the meeting, "My word is my word." She said.


End file.
